Faderift Application

[thezapper]

NATIVE APPLICATION

PLAYER

Name: Bubbles
Age: 29
Contact: hikuswing
Other Characters: Galadriel and Varric Tethras
Interests: I just want to inflict Zapp Brannigan on people. I adore shenanigans, an array of negative and positive CR, and general ridiculousness. (Sidenote: Zapp's secondary title is General Ridiculousness)

CHARACTER

Name: Zapp Brannigan (Zappherey "Zapp" Brannigéne)
Canon/OC: Futurama
Journal: thezapper
Race: Human
Nationality: Orlesian
Occupation: Decorated Military Leader, Chevalier, and Conquering Hero
Mage or Non-Mage: Non-Mage
Age: Early forties.

History

Zapp Brannigan at the Futurama Wiki

AU History:

Zapp Brannigéne, as many young, Orlesian nobles were wont, joined the ranks of the Chevalier. This decision had two major motivating factors: being a Chevalier was a grand and honored profession, esteemed by the whole of Orlais (well, the parts of Orlais that mattered), and Zapp had no particular talents besides his ability to look noble and imperious.

Zapp was and is both attractive and charming, two attributes that are required of Orlesian Nobility, but he lacks the cunning required to actually play The Game. When he was officially presented to high society as a Chevalier, his social skills were largely limited to his physical appearance and his bravado. Zapp managed, somehow, to avoid being utterly brutish and, miraculously, managed to endear himself to several influential players of The Game. By the time he was twenty five, he was already a well-regarded champion and a popular figure in Orlesian High Society.

Very early on in his military career, he pledged his undying loyalty (and his family's considerable financial support) to Gaspard de Chalons and, in doing so, gained Gaspard's favor. It is by dint of this favor, and this favor alone, that Zapp has gotten as far as he has in life.

Personality

Zapp is, fundamentally, a vain, egotistical blowhard.

He is loud, self-centered, and obnoxious, even at the best of times. While he's been known, on occasion, to take actions that appear altruistic or patriotic, his every decision hinges directly on how much glory there is in it. The greater the potential glory, the more likely Zapp is to muscle his way into the endeavor. In a sense, Zapp is a gambler--he will cheerfully risk anything that isn't his (the lives of his men, the lives of peasants, the wealth of others, etc), if the promise of fame and accolade is considerable enough. Alternately, if the situation doesn't offer sufficient acclaim, or if he is forced to risk his own life, limb, or reputation, Zapp will fold faster than a house of cards in a strong wind.

As an attractive, wealthy, and borderline famous noble, Zapp's lackluster personality is more common than naught. He is extremely entitled, callous, and rude, but no more than is in keeping with the rest of Orlesian nobility. In fact, Zapp regularly modulates his own opinions based on the opinions of his peers. He is manipulative, but extremely weak-willed and, with only mild maneuvering, can be placed in any number of precarious social positions. Fortunately, as he is an idiot, he poses little risk to players of the great Game, and is largely left alone by anyone capable of taking him down a peg.

Like his peers, Zapp tends to talk down to people. He is patronizing, regardless of the company he is in or the topic at hand, but also extremely ignorant. He will gladly explain extremely complex topics to experts, will interrupt to correct points or to insert his own opinion, and has been known to disregard his conversational partners, entirely, from time to time. When this confluence of terrible traits comes to a head, as it inevitably must, Zapp depends on his charm and charisma to carry him through.


Opinions & Affiliations

"Uh-huh, that's whatever you were talking about for you." -- Zapp Brannigan

Zapp is pro-Orlais and varying shades of anti-everyone-else. His opinions on the varying minorities of Thedas can be summed up by the fact that, unless you are both rich and human Zapp does not think of you as people. Non-Orlesian wealthy humans are...mostly misguided, potential enemies, but largely qualify as persons rather than things.

He is a current and ranking military leader in the Orlesian Army (Gaspard's side) and, as such, that is where his loyalties lie.

While not particularly pious he is officially a practicing Andrastian--this fact has never prevented him from being an asshole.

Adaptation

Zapp Brannigan, in his original canon, is a myopic sexist bigot who is celebrated by his corrupt, amoral superiors for cunning and guile he doesn't actually possess. His career is successful for two reasons. One, because he has the overwhelming and questionable force of the Democratic Order Of Planets behind him, and two, because he is charming enough to bullshit his way through most situations. He is as dumb as he is influential..and if that doesn't describe Orlais, I don't know what does.

Honestly, I can't think of a better way to AU him in than making him one of Gaspard's upper echelon of lackeys.

Strengths & Weaknesses

Zapp is, ostensibly: a tactical genius, a master swordsman, and a skillful orator. He is held in moderate to high esteem among Orlesian nobility and commoners alike, has an extremely considerable personal fortune, and has access to his family's wealth and influence, as well as the favor of Gaspard de Chalons, via his Military rank. His reputation is extremely positive and tales of his exploits are told all across the Empire.

While the aforementioned attributes are nothing to sneeze at, Zapp's true strength lies in his ability to shirk the consequences of his terrible decisions. Zapp is both a skillful lair and indescribably lucky. His luck is both absolute and utterly mystifying and, as such, has allowed him to spin every near-defeat, every embarrassing scandal, and every personal failure into overwhelming success.

Zapp can spin most things in his favor but, beyond his skills with knee-jerk dishonesty, he is not especially clever. He's an idiot, he's prideful, and extremely cowardly. If it weren't for his competent and long-suffering elven manservant, he probably would have died of exposure long ago.

Inventory

His elven manservant.

Whatever he told his elven manservant to pack:

His sword, ceremonial armor, series of gold masks, various tights and velveteen doublets of questionable length, military medals, and copies of his memoirs.

Motivation

Orders, glory, and a desire for the limelight. The Inquisition has proven neutral with regards to the Civil War and, in Zapp's experience, there is nothing more dangerous than neutrality. With enemies you know where they stand, but with neutrals? Who knows?

SAMPLES

Sample 1

"You're Ferelden?" Zapp said as he gestured in the air by his head. The fine white leather of his gloves and the gold accents on his red, velveteen uniform clashed with everything in the immediate area. "Like...by choice?"

As his side, the downtrodden elf in matching but...markedly cheaper clothing let out a heavy, drawn out sigh. Zapp cast him a glance through the glimmering gold of his mask, but Kif was still standing respectfully at attention. Good man...er...elf, containing his disgust for Ferelden like a real pro.

"I suppose we did conquer that whole...area, so you're part Orlesian, but that's a small comfort." He shrugged and the woman in front of him looked offended. "I suppose one could make you more Orlesian, but it would take some work."

The woman he was talking to made a high, tight, indignant sound. She was flushed red but, unlike a proper Orlesian woman, the color had spread across her chest...her fairly generous chest...which was currently heaving--what was he saying? He stared, but only for a moment, before she abruptly and inexplicably slapped him across the face. He adjusted his mask just in time to watch her stalk off.

After a beat, he nudged Kif with his elbow.

"If she didn't want constructive criticism she shouldn't go around being Ferelden, aye Kif?" Zapp asked and, distantly, he registered Kif's lackluster agreement.

Sample 2

Skyhold was an impressive fortress.

Probably.

It was hard to tell with all the dirt and grime and elves everywhere. Still, Zapp kept his chin up and straightened his gloves. It wouldn't do to let these Inquisition people see him squirm. No, he was the only person who would be watching squirming, of that he was certain. Right--where was he? Ah yes, he had some formalities to take care of, didn't he?

Kif had run off to deal with his warhorse and luggage, so Zapp was left to his own devices.

"You there," Zapp said, at the crowd in general, as he reached into his doublet and extracted a handful of proper, Orlesian coins. As it always did, shouting into a crowd made at least one of the gaggle of unwashed elves halt and look his way. Zapp regarded them for a moment, just to be certain he had their flighty attention--rabbits, you know--before speaking again.

"Where will I find the Lady Montilyet?" Zapp asked and the elf, with mild but predictable confusion, pointed at the great hall. "Excellent, good work."

He started on his journey to the great hall, but not before he tossed a few coins at the helpful creature. They only managed to catch one of them on reflex, and dropped the bucket they'd been carrying in the process. He'd have clucked his tongue at the dreadful faux pas, but he restrained himself. He was here to be diplomatic, and all that; couldn't go berating the help before he spoke to anyone important.

That was just bad manners.